Margaret Thatcher famously co-opted the teachings of Jesus Christ for her monetary policy. “No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he’d only had good intentions,” she said. “He had to have money as well.” Much the same might be said of the Church of England. Only
extreme disciples of Richard Dawkins would claim that the Church’s intentions are anything other than good. But it needs money to implement those intentions.

Sadly, the recent experience of the Church has resembled less that of the Good Samaritan and has looked rather more like the victim to whom he tends in the parable – mugged and left for
dead. The casual secular observer will have noticed the litany of stories about financial crises in our “established” Church. Clergy stipends can’t keep up with even modest levels of inflation and, when they retire, it looks as though the Church they have served over the years for modest incomes won’t be able to meet even basic pension expectations.

Specific stories support the perception of an ecclesiastical mess of investment policies. The middle-classes prosper from the resale value of the ubiquitous ‘Old Rectory’, while the Church missed out on the residential property booms of the 1980s and 1990s – indeed, estate agency Knight Frank claimed recently that former vicarages and rectories are cited as the ideal home by 80 per cent of country buyers, while the Church sold them between the booms.

Meanwhile, the CofE is vilified for investing in Caterpillar, the bulldozer manufacturer whose vehicles are said to have levelled Palestinian homes in the Gaza Strip. And little examples of financial ineptitude pop up closer to home – some old Bibles and manuscripts from the diocese of Truro, which the Church sold only last year for £36,000, were recently sold on by antiquarian booksellers for upwards of £500,000.

All in all, the popular image of the luckless Church Commissioner is one of a bumbling cleric, whose pockets are as likely to contain broken biscuits as a working calculator. The truth – as ever with the truth – is somewhat different to expectations. During their short history the Commissioners have accommodated some of the sharpest asset-management minds around. But, as with all popular misconceptions, there is a seed of truth in the image of incompetence – Church finances have been brought low by a toxic mixture of hubris, ill luck and management structures as arcane as church architecture.